October 31, 2008
Harry Potter and the Prisoners of Waldemart
Posted by jessica at 04:52 PM
October 16, 2008
Best of Craigslist: A Posting from Blue to Red
best of craigslist : "Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!
"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!
Date: 2005-06-24, 11:54AM PDT
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
PostingID: 80714812
Posted by jessica at 02:58 PM | Comments (0)
I'm a Late Bloomer
Several years ago I took to California for my first ever trip to the West coast for a work event. My brother had been living there for years and somewhat pathetically I had never made it out to see him before. (To be fair - I am 11 years his junior so cut me some slack, would ya?)
It was a great trip all in all. His relationship with his now-wife was just taking seed so he was his usual happy self; I got to see and experience his life in a new way; and generally just got to hang with cool big brother.
While there, he took me to a delicious and relatively famous vegetarian restaurant called "Greens". As we were leaving we were discussing our older sister's concern about him not "settling down" to get married and have kids. I don't remember the exact context or details of the conversation other than that, but I do remember Grieg reassuring that we need not worry... He was just a late bloomer.
I have no idea why that has stuck with me for so long or remains such a prominent memory. Certainly it could have something to do with how he said, which was faux coy/cute, but probably more with the fact that it was just so true. Not just for him, but for me too.
For a long time I have felt like a miserable failure because I still feel I've not totally figured out my life's work - I should have been a singer, or an artist, or an actress, or this or that or the other thing. But, see, since I didn't figure it out as a 15-year-old prodigy I was doomed.... doomed I tell you!!
In the back of my head, though, I've held that conversation with my brother and thought "well maybe I'm a late bloomer too". Just because I got my period at 10 and boobs around that same time, it doesn't mean the rest of me has to be all grown up shortly there after does it?
And just today my hope was restored. I found a wonderful article by one of my favorite authors, Malcolm Gladwell, reassuring me that lots of really amazing people are late bloomers.
Annals of Culture: Late Bloomers: Reporting & Essays: The New Yorker
So hope restored, I feel I can carry on in confidence with my life, knowing that I, too, may just be a late bloomer. And please rest assured that I am not trying to equate myself with genius, simply that one's life's path isn't usually decided by age 15. Instead it is a papier mache of experiences and living that layer on each other to build your everyday masterpieces and hopefully reveal your true self.
And what happened to my brother, the other late bloomer? He married that lady love and went on to have two gorgeous babies, whom are often featured prominently in this here blog. Oh and he lives in Hawaii. Bastard.
Posted by jessica at 12:32 PM | Comments (0)
October 13, 2008
A Different Kind of Light Show
David Gallo shows underwater astonishments | Video on TED.com
Some fascinating water creatures for your viewing pleasure.
Posted by jessica at 01:45 PM | Comments (0)
October 02, 2008
Don't Vote
Posted by jessica at 10:46 AM | Comments (0)